THE BEST DESSERT IN NYC!!

GUYS. YOU HAVE TO GET THIS FRUITY PEBBLE CROISSANT FROM UNION FARE. I don't know how I lived without it in my life for so long. Needless to say, I got it three weeks in a row while in the city for school. Also, they have other flavors like birthday cake, cookies and creme, and matcha.

GO. NOW. GET ON A PLANE/TRAIN/BOAT AND GO. NOW.

XOXO
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The Time I Was Awake For A 2 Hour Breast Surgery

Hiiiiiiiii.

BE FOREWARNED: I am being completely honest in this post, so read at your own risk. I have not and will not disclose where I had my surgery and who did it.

This has always been, and always will be the only way I journal. I write this blog for myself and because of that, I want to be able to remember things! I do have a lot of draft posts that won't ever be published, but I have gotten enough inquiries about if my breast reduction was worth it, how it went, etc. that I feel like this also might help other people.

SO, you guys may remember when I got a breast reduction? Well there were a few things my surgeon wanted to fix (will keep them off the internets to appease my mother, but if you want to know because you are considering one, just shoot me an email). I kept going back and forth on whether or not to get the surgery. I mean on one hand I wanted the things fixed, but on the other hand they are just boobs??? Like it's not like it's my face or something that everyone in the world can see.

So, finally I decided to just flip a coin, because that's how all good decisions are made. Heads was yes, and tails was no. Anddddddd, it landed on heads! So it was a go! (Don't even ask J how he feels about me flipping coins to make decisions lol.) (Also per coin flipping: I only do this when I feel comfortable with either outcome, so idk. I feel like it is a valid way to make a decision.)

Surgery day: 
So, I was really hoping I would be asleep for the surgery and unable to feel anything. I had like, three different prescriptions I had picked up. We got there a little early, so we went to Taco Bell where J got 3 tacos. We then went into the appointment where they gave me 3 pills with the intention of reducing my anxiety and making me veryyyyyy sleepy. They said that amount should knock me out, but apparently my nerves put up too good of a fight, because...

Ten minutes later: I am wide awake (although I will admit, less anxious) and J is sleeping off his 3 tacos. If you need any indication how our marriage goes, here you are.

So, like I said before, I was expecting to be totally numb and to sleep through everything. Actually, the thought of being numb and sleeping through everything is a big reason why I decided it would be ok to get the revision surgery. It just sounded like a breeze.

(This next part is a description of the surgery, so skip if you are queasy.)

So, they started with putting in local anesthesia. You know when you go to the dentist and they put topical numbing on your gums, and then take the long needle and put it in there and numb everything? Well, imagine that without the topical numbing. NOT GOOD. Like, honestly the local anesthesia going in was arguably the worst part and seemed to last forever! It felt like stinging and they had to do it all across my chest. So they stuck it in like 10 different spots and had to move the needle around in there. Like I said, NOT GOOD.

After they put the local anesthesia in, they told me to tell them when I felt sharp. If I did I said "ow" and they would put more local anesthesia in. This whole time it was weird, because inside I didn't have butterflies or anything. Like I felt calm inside, but it hurt and I was clenching my fists. The only thing I can think to compare it to is when you're at the dentist and they're drilling and grinding and you know it can only last so long, so you just clench your hands and try to wait it out.

After I was all numb and had been tested with whatever the "sharp" was, they cut my scars open with.... something. I didn't open my eyes the whole time, but it felt like a laser or something? Maybe someone can shed more light on this in the comments. I couldn't really smell anything, so that was good. But I could hear it and it sounded... different. I could sometimes feel it on my skin, and it felt hot mixed with pressure? Like when you splash hot water on your skin or something, except it wasn't a burning hot, just really hot. That makes no sense, but I am SURE I won't be forgetting the sensation haha. This part wasn't good either. There was only one time where I could feel something and they added more local anesthesia (yay...) but for the rest I only felt liquid or hot. So, it wasn't bad as the local, but still not a walk in the park like I thought it would be.

(Oh yeah, and this whole time? WIDE AWAKE. The whole surgery was about two hours and we chatted the whole time. The conversation was fine or whatever but I was like WHY GOD WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING. Literally when I got my wisdom teeth out they had to wheel me out in a wheel chair because I was so out of it I couldn't walk. So I've always thought substances are really potent for me (speaking as someone who uses 0 substances, even ibuprofen when I have a headache). But, after this experience I guess they aren't as potent as I would have thought!)

After that, they stitched me up. I could feel tugging, but nothing too bad. It was actually the best part, if I had to pick one. It's like it was progressively more bearable as things went on. One thing I did like about being awake, was that I was able to communicate with them. From the beginning I told them to combine my scars in the middle because they were already so close, but they didn't want to. So, at the end of the surgery, they saw it would look better if they did, so they were able to confirm verbally that I was ok with it and stitch it up. So, I did like that part.

Overall, this is how I feel about the second surgery: It was not a pleasant experience and it has taken me a long time to think about it without feeling cringe-y. Like watching my sister's c-sections? 0/10 cringe. Googling and watching breast reduction surgeries? 0/10. But this experience??? Cringe-level off the charts. Like I had to use my *MiNdFuLlNeSs SkIlLs* to stop myself from thinking about it and feeling cringe-y.

I would never in my life get it done again without being completely put under general anesthesia. I think they wanted to avoid putting me under again thinking it would be an easier recovery, but *insert all swear words here* it would have been 100% better if I would have been unconscious. It's just like, one of those things you probably shouldn't be conscious for, ya know?

So, needless to say, I am done with any and all surgeries boob-related. At this point, my boobs are the way they are going to be for the rest of my life. I am not touching them again!

This whole experience really got me thinking about childbirth because people are always saying childbirth is the worst thing, etc., etc. I am like, iffy about children as it is (in general, not referring to having my own) so going through this I was like, "J WE ARE ADOPTING."

When I was telling my mom about the surgery she said what I did was really extreme, and childbirth wouldn't be as bad. Being completely honest with you all, if a fairy gnome from the future was to come down and tell me my childbirths would be equal to or worse than my surgery, I straight up would not birth a single child. 0 CHILDREN. Like, that is how hellish it was. Luckily, my mom (who is a nurse and also had babes with and without epidurals) told me that what I did was an extreme thing and childbirth is not as bad. So, that's kind of like, my hope I am holding on to right now. Like probably nothing will ever be as bad as that, so it's all uphill from here. (Except for the ladies, of course... get it?? Tee hee. #momjokes) So, yeah, I will still birth children, I guess. (Not pregnant and will not be for 20 years.)

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID: If I could go back in time, I would still get the first reduction because it is SO NICE to have smaller boobs. Per the things that needed fixin' I think some of them happened because that's the way my body is and it would have happened with any surgeon. I think others could have been avoided if I would have gone to someone else. But who knows. AND it doesn't matter. It's over now and I can focus on the positives!

Overall, I am glad to be where I'm at. My boobs before all this were a no-go for sure and also my nemesis (although I joke with J that that is where my power came from lol). My back pain was crazy, I had constant cleavage (in an environment that condemns cleavage as "immodest"), and like 0 clothing fit me! So, even though the second surgery was annoying and very hellish, I'm glad I'm at where I'm at, and I would trade back for those pre-surgery boobs for the life of me!

Now that it's all over, it makes a good story! And now I have the things that were bothering me fixed and I won't ever wonder what would have happened if I would have gotten the surgery done. Which, for me, counts for a lot. I'll do a lot of things just to know ya know? I don't like having to wonder what would have happened.

So, if you were just coming here to read the surgery story, that's it. We went home after that and I was like, "My incisions don't even hurt!" Because they were still numb and I am an idiot. J set me up gooooood in our bedroom, got me a happy meal, and tucked me in. I ate, watched TV, took an oxy, feel asleep at 7:00pm, and woke up at 1:00 am with my incisions hurting. Which brings us to...

Day 2:

I could get up and stuff by myself, which is a faster recovery than the full reduction so #yay. I took more oxy this time around than I did with the first surgery. But, I really don't like taking strong pain meds AND oxy has some errr, unpleasant side effects. So, later in the day I switched to Advil which was actually fine because I was ALSO on my period during this time. Great timing to me!! J continued to be very sweet. He worked from home so he could take care of El Diablo (what we are calling Tucker these days) and feed me. V good husband award. Especially when you hear what happened later in the week!



Day 3:

We went to a John Butler Trio concert, which you can read about here.

Day 4:

UGH! So Tucker wakes up at like 5:50 every morning (like that exact time, it's weird). J takes him out (once again, best husband), feeds him breakfast and then goes back to bed. So, this day, he forgot to close the closet door all the way and Tucker got into his food! Boy can EAT. We have no idea how much he ate because the bag is like 50 pounds, but he was walking and moving around after so that was good.

WHAT WAS NOT GOOD THOUGH WAS HIM PEEING ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Like literally J took him out hourly, and then he would just pee inside the house. At one point, he started peeing and I grabbed him and took him in our apartment hallway to run outside, and the pee just kept coming out?! So we thought he had a bladder infection and paid $50 to get it tested. Turns out, he did not. We now think it was correlated with him eating all that food.

This was also my first day driving on my own and I was 100% fine. I went to Subway and was so sad. So, this subway is where I have had my best sandwich, and now... my worst. :(. #WHY. I swear to you the kids there were high. They were moving SO SLOW and had to ask me multiple times what I wanted on my sandwich. Then, at the end the girl was like, "Can I get you anything else?" And I was like, "Yeah, a sugar cookie and chips." And she FORGOT THE COOKIE. Like I'm sorry?? I told you two things??

So yeah, it was a tough day. Also J had never seen Notting Hill so we watched it and LOL-ed so hard. We really don't laugh out loud at that many movies, but we were rollin' with this. I love Spike so much. Does anyone know a real life Spike I can incorporate into my life? Taking applications.

Day 5-7:

Straight up can not remember what happened these days. Everything has kind of been stable since then. I have been getting shooting pains this time around that I was fortunate enough to not get last time. They are not fun and make me curse and hit walls, which is weird. Maybe each shooting pain turns me into like a teenage boy? TBA.

Something sad is that I went to put on a new bra and the strap broke :( RIP

Another sad thing I that I thought I had 2 weeks off of school/internship. (Side note: I was supposed to have ONE MONTH off, but my last internship went over a week and my new one started early.) But it turns out I only had last week off :( ADDITIONAL SAD THING!  I thought I only had trainings on 3 days this week, so I was like, "Oh, even though it isn't a free week, I have free days!" But it turns out I have trainings every day this week. And then next week I have more trainings and school starts. My really only possible last free day could be Friday. I was going to go into the city for fashion week, but I think I would rather stay home and binge watch TV. We will see.

ANYWAY! If you have made it to the end of this post, congratulations! I always like when I can just sit down and write a bunch of stuff on the interwebs. It's quite freeing. I also like coming back to my interweb writings years later and face palming so hard.

So, that's all I really have to say about all this. If you are considering have a breast reduction and want someone to talk to, I am an open book offline. So please, ask me all your questions and I will answer! I will say that I think my situation was unique. I have talked to a lot of ladies who have gotten breast reductions and all of theirs were just the one surgery with little to none complications. So don't let this scare you from getting something you want! Rather, I just urge anyone considering a reduction to think about all the possible side effects and outcomes! I am a pretty body positive person, so having imperfections really doesn't bother me that much. (Hence the coin flip to decide lol.) But, you have poor body image, consider what could happen and how it would make you feel! Surgeons do their best, but sometimes the things that happen are out of their control and just plain weird.

I can't think of a eloquent way to end this and I got some Bachelor in Paradise waiting for me so thank you all for reading! And breast of luck on your future endeavors... (See what I did there?? Lol.)

XOXO
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A Happy List: 167

1/ I got added into a class I have been waiting for! My old schedule was going to be 11-8:30 and my new one is 9-6:30!! Which is amazing because now I will get home at a decent time instead of like 10:00 lol. (Also, for anyone curious, it takes us about an hour to and hour an a half to drive into New York City, but I like taking the train better, so that's why it takes me longer to get there. We typically drive in on the weekends too, when there is less traffic.)

2/ Russell Stover has released their marshmallow pumpkins which are v good. Not as good as the marshmallow Santas (which are my favorite food out of all foods) but a good option until the Santas are available.

3/ Racoons eating.

4/ You know how the signs for watermelon say like .79 cents per lb? But the "per lb" is really tiny? J thought a watermelon wedge was .79 for the whole thing lol. It was actually like $4.

5/ I made these two recipes (here and here) and they were v good!

6/ I CAN SMELL FALL IN THE AIR AND I AM SO EXCITED.

7/ I found some neighborhoods in Seattle that are affordable and *supposedly* good for millennials. So now, of course, I want to move to Seattle instead of Portland lol.

8/ Do you ever realize that you are an adult? Like I feel like being in college always makes me feel like a kid, but then sometimes I have these realizations that like, I AM AN ADULT. I was in the shower this morning and realized that like, I could get a sauna if I wanted to. I could buy a house with a sauna in the basement if I wanted to. Like I could make it happen on my own, without having to ask anyone for help or permissions, and that was a really neat feeling.

9/ Planning a trip into New York next week for fashion week... Ok we all know I am just going so I can not have FOMO and also eat cute/good foods.

10/ I ordered a bunch more clothes from Romwe and am v excited to do another haul! If you missed the first one, watch it here.

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Here are some funny things people said this past week:

J: "Everyone's try to get with that guy, and he's not having it. He's like, "My penis is not for sale."

I have been walking around hunched over because it hurts my incisions less, and J was like, "We need to get ya a cane, grandma Emmy??"

So before my surgery I was trying to decided whether or not to get it. I finally decided to flip a coin, like the old days. It was heads up which meant the surgery was a go. J (and my mom, too) had a hard time that like, this was how I made the decision. The next day we were talking about it and I was like, "How do you think I decided to marry you?" J was like, "Ohhhhhh my gosh... pleaseeeeee do NOT say you flipped a coin." I was like, "I'm just kidding!" J was like, "Cause like... I wouldn't be surprised." Lol

XOXO
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Dinner With Ma Boys

Is it wrong to choose restaurants based solely on if you can take your dog or not?? Because that's what I do. There aren't a ton of sidewalk cafes in Connecticut, but one of our favorites is Nom Eez! While we were there, this biker guy was having dinner with his bulldog and it was the cutest thing ever. He was talking about how dogs take on the personality of their owners, which makes me wonder why Tucker is so crazy? Like does this mean that I am actually crazy?? TBA.

XOXO
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Weekend Links

So we saw Dunkirk today and I was like, "Wow! We have the whole theatre to ourselves!" Then we realized that it was 12:15 pm on a Saturday lol. (Side not, is it so confusing to anyone else that 12:00 pm is noon?? It makes natural sense that 12:00 am is noon and 12:00 pm is midnight. WHY.)

Movie/T.V. Show Things:

• I have been watching these movies on Netflix and I am actually really surprised at home good they are.
• I AM SO EXCITED FOR THESE NEW EPISODES!!!
• Also very excited about this show. The continually go where no show has gone before and I love the boldness. 

Eclipse Things:

• No, I did not watch the eclipse because I live in Connecticut and would have had to drive like 12 hours to see it in totality. 
• However, I am loving this photo series.
• Also this is the prettiest photo I have ever seen. 

Cool things on social media:

• I really like this post. I have been practicing just saying "no" lately without offering a reason, and it's been going really well. Although it is funny to see how thirsty people get for a reason why. 
• I don't post about religion a lot here, but I think this post is really neat.
• This Instagram account is v cute and makes me miss the west coast and my mountains. 

XOXO

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P.S. Did you guys hear that tomorrow is like, a new holiday "women's equality day"? I just briefly saw something on Facebook... what do we think about this? Yay or nay?

The Time I Went To A Concert 2 Days After My Entire Chest Was Sliced Open

HELLO EVERYONE. I AM ALIVE AND WELL. So, here's what happened.

November of last year I got a breast reduction (read about that here). There were some things my plastic surgeon wanted to fix but I was like, they are just boobs?? And decided not to.

Then, over the summer I started thinking about how I would be moving and not have the chance to fix them if I wanted to. Also my surgeon offered to do it for free (because I picked the best surgeon in the world) so I figured what the heck, why not! And decided to get the surgery. I have like a two week break (actually, one week because my next internship has trainings.... yayayyyyy) before school and internship start up again, so this was the only time I could do it. 

HOWEVER this was the same week as the John Butler Trio tickets I got J for his birthday. He was like, "We don't have to go!" And I was like, "I'll be fine!" 

So actually my incisions sting a lot. Sometimes they are fine, mostly when I am not moving. But when I am moving they sting. BUT GUYS, IT'S JOHN BUTLER TRIO.

So I went and literally cradled my boobs the whole time lol. Applying a lot of pressure to the bottom helps the incisions not hurt, so I basically looked like some jerk the whole concert who refused to unfold their arms to clap lol. 

Also I am aware I look like a ghost in this photo. You may think it's because of the surgery I got earlier, but it's actually just because I am really white lol. 

But the concert was really good! There were a lot of granola bars (granola people... hippies...) there and it made me hype af to move to Portland or Seattle. I feel like we've had 9 months left on the east coast for months? Like I remember my mom being here in May and telling her we had 9 months left?? So I'm like WHEN WILL THESE 9 MONTHS START SHORTENING! Lol.

Anyway, I am back at home now and doing fine! This recovery should be easier than my last, but gosh dang I just wish the stinging would stop because it puts me in the WORST mood!! It's like, random shooting pains too. I'll write more about everything on Tuesday. So be forewarned.

XOXO

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P.S. I just had the WORST experience at Subway! I swear the kid making my sandwich was high and had to ask me like three times what I wanted on it. Then, I ordered a cookie and they didn't give it to me, but charged me for it anyway :( I am bummed because this is the same Subway that made the BEST sandwich I have ever had in my life. (And I eat a lot of Subway so that's saying something!!!) Anyway, I will be going back for the cookie because I am that type of person. 

My Favorite Vegetarian/Vegan Recipes!

I asked the other day on Instagram stories if anyone would be interested in my favorite vegetarian recipes, and I was surprised by how many people were! So, here you go! I tried my best to find the original post, but for some I couldn't. So, if you recognize the recipe, please comment with the original post link and I'll add it in! 

Feel free to link your favorite vegetarian recipes too!

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Breakfast:

Blueberry quinoa

Lemon raspberry sticky buns

Honey biscuits

Coffee cake

Egg breakfast sandwiches (freeze and eat later)

Snacks/Appetizers: (I am a snacker, so a lot of these I'll eat for like a lunch or something, since I'll be eating again in an hour lol.)

Fries (You can do sweet potato or regular. Also I used curry powder.)

Rosemary sea salt pretzels

Pretzel balls

Cornbread with whipped honey butter

Dark chocolate energy bites

Copycat Chili's queso dip

Copycat P.F. Changs lettuce wraps

Pepper poppers

Zucchini bites with garlic aioli

Dinner:

Vegan Quesadillas

Zucchini enchiladas

Twice baked potatoes

Sesame noodles with broccoli

Quinoa wrap

Green goddess sandwiches

Broccoli crescent wrap

Corner Bakery chicken panini (subbed with fake chicken)

Asian chicken wraps!

Chicken salad sandwiches. I am OBSESSED with these. They are best on croissants, but I have also put them on Eggo waffles and that's good lol. 

Let me know if you guys try any of these out and like them! Also drop your fave vegetarian recipes below, I am always looking for new things to try. I get so bored of making the same recipes and like to try new ones often.

XOXO

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