Hiiiiiiiii.
BE FOREWARNED: I am being completely honest in this post, so read at your own risk. I have not and will not disclose where I had my surgery and who did it.
This has always been, and always will be the only way I journal. I write this blog for myself and because of that, I want to be able to remember things! I do have a lot of draft posts that won't ever be published, but I have gotten enough inquiries about if my breast reduction was worth it, how it went, etc. that I feel like this also might help other people.
SO, you guys may remember when I got a
breast reduction? Well there were a few things my surgeon wanted to fix (will keep them off the internets to appease my mother, but if you want to know because you are considering one, just shoot me an email). I kept going back and forth on whether or not to get the surgery. I mean on one hand I wanted the things fixed, but on the other hand they are just boobs??? Like it's not like it's my face or something that everyone in the world can see.
So, finally I decided to just flip a coin, because that's how all good decisions are made. Heads was yes, and tails was no. Anddddddd, it landed on heads! So it was a go! (Don't even ask J how he feels about me flipping coins to make decisions lol.) (Also per coin flipping: I only do this when I feel comfortable with either outcome, so idk. I feel like it is a valid way to make a decision.)
Surgery day: So, I was really hoping I would be asleep for the surgery and unable to feel anything. I had like, three different prescriptions I had picked up. We got there a little early, so we went to Taco Bell where J got 3 tacos. We then went into the appointment where they gave me 3 pills with the intention of reducing my anxiety and making me veryyyyyy sleepy. They said that amount should knock me out, but apparently my nerves put up too good of a fight, because...
Ten minutes later: I am wide awake (although I will admit, less anxious) and J is sleeping off his 3 tacos. If you need any indication how our marriage goes, here you are.
So, like I said before, I was expecting to be totally numb and to sleep through everything. Actually, the thought of being numb and sleeping through everything is a big reason why I decided it would be ok to get the revision surgery. It just sounded like a breeze.
(This next part is a description of the surgery, so skip if you are queasy.)
So, they started with putting in local anesthesia. You know when you go to the dentist and they put topical numbing on your gums, and then take the long needle and put it in there and numb everything? Well, imagine that without the topical numbing. NOT GOOD. Like, honestly the local anesthesia going in was arguably the worst part and seemed to last forever! It felt like stinging and they had to do it all across my chest. So they stuck it in like 10 different spots and had to move the needle around in there. Like I said, NOT GOOD.
After they put the local anesthesia in, they told me to tell them when I felt sharp. If I did I said "ow" and they would put more local anesthesia in. This whole time it was weird, because inside I didn't have butterflies or anything. Like I felt calm inside, but it hurt and I was clenching my fists. The only thing I can think to compare it to is when you're at the dentist and they're drilling and grinding and you know it can only last so long, so you just clench your hands and try to wait it out.
After I was all numb and had been tested with whatever the "sharp" was, they cut my scars open with.... something. I didn't open my eyes the whole time, but it felt like a laser or something? Maybe someone can shed more light on this in the comments. I couldn't really smell anything, so that was good. But I could hear it and it sounded... different. I could sometimes feel it on my skin, and it felt hot mixed with pressure? Like when you splash hot water on your skin or something, except it wasn't a burning hot, just really hot. That makes no sense, but I am SURE I won't be forgetting the sensation haha. This part wasn't good either. There was only one time where I could feel something and they added more local anesthesia (yay...) but for the rest I only felt liquid or hot. So, it wasn't bad as the local, but still not a walk in the park like I thought it would be.
(Oh yeah, and this whole time? WIDE AWAKE. The whole surgery was about two hours and we chatted the whole time. The conversation was fine or whatever but I was like WHY GOD WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING. Literally when I got my wisdom teeth out they had to wheel me out in a wheel chair because I was so out of it I couldn't walk. So I've always thought substances are really potent for me (speaking as someone who uses 0 substances, even ibuprofen when I have a headache). But, after this experience I guess they aren't as potent as I would have thought!)
After that, they stitched me up. I could feel tugging, but nothing too bad. It was actually the best part, if I had to pick one. It's like it was progressively more bearable as things went on. One thing I did like about being awake, was that I was able to communicate with them. From the beginning I told them to combine my scars in the middle because they were already so close, but they didn't want to. So, at the end of the surgery, they saw it would look better if they did, so they were able to confirm verbally that I was ok with it and stitch it up. So, I did like that part.
Overall, this is how I feel about the second surgery: It was not a pleasant experience and it has taken me a long time to think about it without feeling cringe-y. Like watching my sister's c-sections? 0/10 cringe. Googling and watching breast reduction surgeries? 0/10. But this experience??? Cringe-level off the charts. Like I had to use my *MiNdFuLlNeSs SkIlLs* to stop myself from thinking about it and feeling cringe-y.
I would never in my life get it done again without being completely put under general anesthesia. I think they wanted to avoid putting me under again thinking it would be an easier recovery, but *insert all swear words here* it would have been 100% better if I would have been unconscious. It's just like, one of those things you probably shouldn't be conscious for, ya know?
So, needless to say, I am done with any and all surgeries boob-related. At this point, my boobs are the way they are going to be for the rest of my life. I am not touching them again!
This whole experience really got me thinking about childbirth because people are always saying childbirth is the worst thing, etc., etc. I am like, iffy about children as it is (in general, not referring to having my own) so going through this I was like, "J WE ARE ADOPTING."
When I was telling my mom about the surgery she said what I did was really extreme, and childbirth wouldn't be as bad. Being completely honest with you all, if a fairy gnome from the future was to come down and tell me my childbirths would be equal to or worse than my surgery, I straight up would not birth a single child. 0 CHILDREN. Like, that is how hellish it was. Luckily, my mom (who is a nurse and also had babes with and without epidurals) told me that what I did was an extreme thing and childbirth is not as bad. So, that's kind of like, my hope I am holding on to right now. Like probably nothing will ever be as bad as that, so it's all uphill from here. (Except for the ladies, of course... get it?? Tee hee. #momjokes) So, yeah, I will still birth children, I guess. (Not pregnant and will not be for 20 years.)
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID: If I could go back in time, I would still get the first reduction because it is SO NICE to have smaller boobs. Per the things that needed fixin' I think some of them happened because that's the way my body is and it would have happened with any surgeon. I think others could have been avoided if I would have gone to someone else. But who knows. AND it doesn't matter. It's over now and I can focus on the positives!
Overall, I am glad to be where I'm at. My boobs before all this were a no-go for sure and also my nemesis (although I joke with J that that is where my power came from lol). My back pain was crazy, I had constant cleavage (in an environment that condemns cleavage as "immodest"), and like 0 clothing fit me! So, even though the second surgery was annoying and very hellish, I'm glad I'm at where I'm at, and I would trade back for those pre-surgery boobs for the life of me!
Now that it's all over, it makes a good story! And now I have the things that were bothering me fixed and I won't ever wonder what would have happened if I would have gotten the surgery done. Which, for me, counts for a lot. I'll do a lot of things just to
know ya know? I don't like having to wonder what would have happened.
So, if you were just coming here to read the surgery story, that's it. We went home after that and I was like, "My incisions don't even hurt!" Because they were still numb and I am an idiot. J set me up gooooood in our bedroom, got me a happy meal, and tucked me in. I ate, watched TV, took an oxy, feel asleep at 7:00pm, and woke up at 1:00 am with my incisions hurting. Which brings us to...
Day 2:I could get up and stuff by myself, which is a faster recovery than the full reduction so #yay. I took more oxy this time around than I did with the first surgery. But, I really don't like taking strong pain meds AND oxy has some errr, unpleasant side effects. So, later in the day I switched to Advil which was actually fine because I was ALSO on my period during this time. Great timing to me!! J continued to be very sweet. He worked from home so he could take care of El Diablo (what we are calling Tucker these days) and feed me. V good husband award. Especially when you hear what happened later in the week!
Day 3:We went to a John Butler Trio concert, which you can read about
here.
Day 4:UGH! So Tucker wakes up at like 5:50 every morning (like that exact time, it's weird). J takes him out (once again, best husband), feeds him breakfast and then goes back to bed. So, this day, he forgot to close the closet door all the way and Tucker got into his food! Boy can EAT. We have no idea how much he ate because the bag is like 50 pounds, but he was walking and moving around after so that was good.
WHAT WAS NOT GOOD THOUGH WAS HIM PEEING ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Like literally J took him out hourly, and then he would just pee inside the house. At one point, he started peeing and I grabbed him and took him in our apartment hallway to run outside, and the pee just kept coming out?! So we thought he had a bladder infection and paid $50 to get it tested. Turns out, he did not. We now think it was correlated with him eating all that food.
This was also my first day driving on my own and I was 100% fine. I went to Subway and was so sad. So, this subway is where I have had my best sandwich, and now... my worst. :(. #WHY. I swear to you the kids there were high. They were moving SO SLOW and had to ask me multiple times what I wanted on my sandwich. Then, at the end the girl was like, "Can I get you anything else?" And I was like, "Yeah, a sugar cookie and chips." And she FORGOT THE COOKIE. Like I'm sorry?? I told you two things??
So yeah, it was a tough day. Also J had never seen Notting Hill so we watched it and LOL-ed so hard. We really don't laugh out loud at that many movies, but we were rollin' with this. I love Spike so much. Does anyone know a real life Spike I can incorporate into my life? Taking applications.
Day 5-7:Straight up can not remember what happened these days. Everything has kind of been stable since then. I have been getting shooting pains this time around that I was fortunate enough to not get last time. They are not fun and make me curse and hit walls, which is weird. Maybe each shooting pain turns me into like a teenage boy? TBA.
Something sad is that I went to put on a new bra and the strap broke :( RIP
Another sad thing I that I thought I had 2 weeks off of school/internship. (Side note: I was supposed to have ONE MONTH off, but my last internship went over a week and my new one started early.) But it turns out I only had last week off :( ADDITIONAL SAD THING! I thought I only had trainings on 3 days this week, so I was like, "Oh, even though it isn't a free week, I have free days!" But it turns out I have trainings every day this week. And then next week I have more trainings and school starts. My really only possible last free day could be Friday. I was going to go into the city for fashion week, but I think I would rather stay home and binge watch TV. We will see.
ANYWAY! If you have made it to the end of this post, congratulations! I always like when I can just sit down and write a bunch of stuff on the interwebs. It's quite freeing. I also like coming back to my interweb writings years later and face palming so hard.
So, that's all I really have to say about all this. If you are considering have a breast reduction and want someone to talk to, I am an open book offline. So please, ask me all your questions and I will answer! I will say that I think my situation was unique. I have talked to a lot of ladies who have gotten breast reductions and all of theirs were just the one surgery with little to none complications. So don't let this scare you from getting something you want! Rather, I just urge anyone considering a reduction to think about all the possible side effects and outcomes! I am a pretty body positive person, so having imperfections really doesn't bother me that much. (Hence the coin flip to decide lol.) But, you have poor body image, consider what could happen and how it would make you feel! Surgeons do their best, but sometimes the things that happen are out of their control and just plain weird.
I can't think of a eloquent way to end this and I got some Bachelor in Paradise waiting for me so thank you all for reading! And breast of luck on your future endeavors... (See what I did there?? Lol.)
XOXO
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E
Guys! I had my first day of school on Wednesday! I wish I could say it's my last first day of school, but alas. Only second to last. Anyway, the night before I looked up the train schedule and saw it was leaving at 7:09. So, J and I hopped in the car and got to the train station at 7:05. There was a train there with the doors closing. I was like, "What train is that?? No way it's the 7:09." We decided it was probably a local bound train. But no. YOU GUYS. It was MY TRAIN! Like what kind of public transportation comes EARLY? I mean if you are a train that's early, sit there for five minutes for heaven's sake!! So, I got on a later train. I have slight social anxiety with some things, and the thought of walking in late to my first class on the first day was like NO THANKS. So I kept debating whether or not I should go. I finally decided to just be an adult and do it, so I got on the next train. It was a really pretty ride with all the fog.
Ok, so then I got there and I was about 30 minutes late. The whole class is 2 hours, so I figured I could still get a lot if I went in. IT WAS SO HARD. But literally I just kept going thinking "What's the worst that can happen?" Well, I walked in the class and the only seat was in the front. When I sat down the professor asked me what my name was and then asked if I was ok hahahaha. I was like, "Yeah my train was just late." But like, why you gotta ask if I am ok bro? People are just late sometimes!! Ughhhhh.
It was nice to be back in the city! New York is the prettiest city I kidddddddd you not. I hate living there but LOVE being able to train in. I haven't spent the fall there yet, and I'm excited to explore this year!
As is typical for my life, I missed the train by THREE MINUTES. so I got home about 20 minutes later than I would have otherwise. SMH. But I gotta tell ya, living closer to the city than last year is so nice! I get home at 8:00 instead of 10:00! Moving FTW.
