My brain and tongue just met and they aren't friends so far. - Regina Spektor

Well, here are some photos a friend took for her class project.

Nothing new has been happening. Other than finals week ended, so I guess I am back alive now. Cool things happening up in hurrrrrrr.

Oh, I moved into my new apartment. It's really great and adorable. I'll have to post pictures of that soon. Except I don't even think anyone reads this anymore.

Oh well. I'm off to take a bath and have a mega hygiene night. My eyebrows are only a hair away from turning into Lily Collins. Anyways, pear haps I'll post something tomorrow on my lunch break. It actually all depends on if my computer fits into my bag.

My mom insists on talking to me even though I'm in the kitchen and can't hear a word she says.

I wish I had bubbles for a bubble bath. I don't like baths, but that sounds ideal.

XOXO
- - - - -
E

It's not enough to be good, you have to be beautiful too.

My closet is literally overflowing all of zee time.

Probs going to start a shop my closet or sumthen. 

We shall see where it leads us.

Pear haps a small child will want a sweater.

Pear haps a large man will want a sweater.

There are no limitations on this.

No.

Limitations.

Maybe the sky? The sky is the limit? Like, because the sky is endless? Hence that is just a tricky way of making you think there are limits when really there aren't any because the sky doesn't have limits?

In other news, Starbuck's chocolate doughnuts are really good and Krispy Kreme has a 24 hour drive thru. Like, WTF. Gtfo Krispy Kreme drive thru why do you exist. Hello late-night-binge-eating-of-delicious-glazed-doughnuts. Pear haps the freshman fifteen will become at thing now. Pear haps it will become a double thing. And a freshman thirty. I wonder if I would still be dated.

Probably just debated. 

And hated.

And not appreciated.

Gross.

This needs to stop.

I am Em, but I am not Eminem.

I forgot where I was going with this.

XOXO

- - - - -

The worst things in life come free to us. -Ed Sheeran

Good bye little dorm. You were good to me. Well, not really. All the command hooks I put up tore off the wall paint. Hello fines. And the window looked out at the walk to the front of the building and the side of the adjoining building. Hello awkward window moments. But, overall it was good. I now have the experience of living in a dorm. Even though I didn't share a room. But, you know what, that's ok. It's still a freaking dorm and I still had to freaking park in the freaking stadium and walk freaking 10 minutes back to my room in the late hours of the night.

Anyways.

Good bye little dorm. You were pretty decent I suppose.

I move into my new apartment on the 12, maybe. Pear haps it will be the greatest? I think it shall be. I mean, a window that not only looks out onto University but that also OPENS?!?!?! Gtfo opening window of heaven. You are too good for my life. 

There are some downsides, but as long as there is parking I am A to the O K. I guess that was said. Shhhhhhhh. Just go with it.

Bebe.

Also, I have been having like, phenomenally good sneezes lately. It's def note worthy. Make a note.

XOXO
- - - - -

We hold hands in the middle of the ocean and look just like a pancake.

REGARDING THE TITLE: Some man presented this at poetry night. I think it was from a published poem, but alas I can not find it online. So, just know that somewhere out there, this amazing author is hiding his/her talent from us.

This is from forever ago. But, ya know.

-Went to Malawi's with the fam before my grandma and her husband headed back to Spokane. I'm not a fan of cracker-pizza, but their bread sticks are pretty good.

-Hit up a Jazz game with the BF and his fam. Twas a close game. Literally the Jazz won in like the last twenty seconds. And in the twenty seconds before that the Kings (?) got ahead. And in the twenty seconds before that they were tied. Ah. Close game. Close game. I'm actually surprised I even knew what was going on. In other news, the stairs at Whatever That Place Is Called scare me to death. Like, you fall down one and see ya later. You're dead.

Worst.

Anyways. Here this?

XOXO
- - - - -

Even though he tries to save me, the monsters are still there in the morning. -Christina

It's almost been two weeks and I know no one cares, but here's an apology. 

I'm sorry.

- - - - -

It's 4:11 and the sun will rise in three hours, but I won't see it because I'm cleaning my room before cleaning checks at 10:00 am. I can feel vomit in my chest because all I ate on Thursday was a pack of Grandma's Chocolate Brownie Cookies and a bag of Sprees. I took three tests and failed one and I completely forgot I ate a Crunchwrap Supreme because all I can think about is how I'm going to get through finals week with Starbuck's breathing down my neck. I know it will end and I will regret not getting good grades, but at this point I just need Winter semester to start and the holiday season at work to end. I need 15 hours of work a week and 100% class attendance. 

- - - - -

It's not a big deal though. And I'm really not worried. At all. Maybe it's because I'm dating the greatest human and maybe it's because life is without problems at this moment. I can't exactly say for sure. The only thing I can say for certain is that I can't stop talking and interviewing people. And cliches aren't cliches when you are in them. And sometimes unexpected things happen. And sometimes you realize what it feels like to feel. I mean, to actually feel. Not to think you feel, or to want to feel so you fake it. I mean to actually feel the blood in your veins. To feel the way your stomach seems weightless at times. The way you zone out in the middle of singing Hallelujah. Shaking your arms in the air. Screaming as you run up the stairs. Sleeping until 10:47. Genuinely laughing at emoticons. Appreciating white walls. Watching YouTube videos of how to remove window screens. Trying to say something and realizing it's too important to ruin with a late night conversation. 

You realize what it's like to feel all of that. You feel connected with the world, like you can talk to anyone and understand what they're feeling. You hate everything, because it doesn't matter to you anymore. Not in a depressing way, just in a I've-found-more-important-things way. And you learn to not get walked all over and you learn the importance of having a job. And you plan your life for a different college and a different city and you promise yourself you will never change your mind, because God has done good this time. He's listened and he's answered and you don't want to mess that up, but it's not even possible, so you don't need to worry.

And there are boys who hate you. Boys who don't talk to you. Boys who think you think you are too cool. But, in reality, you are just obsessed with Jake because he is hands down the greatest human to happen to your life. And you don't know how you feel about that. And you know people are going to read this, but Navy Taxi is playing so it gives you courage and makes you dumb. 

Then, all of that ends. And I'm still sitting here in a room with white walls. My picture of me and Grandpa is in the bag I got from that one lady's garage sale and my toothbrush is probably the grossest thing in the entire bathroom. My eyes are slowly feeling the four shots of espresso and I'm done planning things, even though I know that's a lie. All that needs to happen is cleaning. Cleaning and organizing and listening to music. That's all that needs to happen. Finals aren't until next week and no one needs to pass school anyways.

I know I'll have a ticket. I just don't agree with their policies.

XOXO
- - - - -

11.25.12

Family, I guess.
And dinner, I guess.

Nom nom nom.
There's nothing left to say here.

Life is good at this moment.
21 isn't here.
Neither is graduation.
In fact they're both far away.
But, good things are here.
Like JC.
And 800 and University.
And Starbuck's.
And my family.
And The Walking Dead.
And Writing 150 at 8 MWF.
And 7:48am.
And free drinks.
And vending machine cookies.
And Michael Kors and Tommy Hilfiger.
And new lenses.
And winter.
And coldness.
And the holidays.

And best of all: Marshmallow Santas.
Hello, world. Let's be friends this life. Ok. 

XOXO
- - - - -

11.24.12

"Em, just calm down with your life."

I can't help it if Salt Lake City is just so desirable and living with random roommates isn't. 800 and University will be good. Life is just waiting to start and these general courses are the worst. Starbuck's paychecks are making me feel more independent that I really am, and I'm really not as old as I feel. Where is 21?

XOXO
- - - - -

"only things like ice and snow come back" -the guy with the glasses

And I guess that I could quote Bright Eyes or Alysia Harris, but they are insufficient for this moment. So, I'll settle instead for starting my sentences with "and" and "maybe" and I'll say things I'll regret later, because everyone wants to be like Charlie even if he does do drugs. 

We all want to help in the end, and that's all he wanted to do. But, people don't help people and Barbara knows that. No matter how many times we watch Yentl we will still be here in my car at three in the morning. It's all ok except for there's blood in my mouth and I'm laughing. I like it though. I like the iron on my tongue and the fact that it's a part of me now. I'll just morph into Yves Klein and show you things that aren't here, because then you'll run away and that's the last thing that I want. This is really hilarious, because I'm so fried I'm not even addressing a body with this. It's pointless, but maybe it will gain meaning later. Like Nagata always says. Maybe that's how the past was too. Except I can't decided what meaning to give it. I don't know if it should be called "Mercy" or "Messed Up". Maybe, we can even slip "Niave" and "Karma" in there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think that'd be real nice.

It's only been three hours since I was last awake and I'm waking up again and there's some green on my canvas and I'm throwing it away. I know that's not the right thing to do, but there's some coffee beans stuck in the corners and a bell ringing in my eyes.

It has to happen.

XOXO

- - - - -
E

tell grandpa and dana "hello"

You’re sitting in a booth with nothing but air staring at you from across the table.

There’s no red “1” in the messages box.

It’s trivial but he meant something to you and his last moments were spent staring into the panicked eyes of a 40 something year old woman with sandy hair who didn’t even pet him the way he liked. 

It’s then when you realize that this is a theme. This is a theme for everyone’s life, so you might as well get used to it. There will be no poetry night tonight. There will be no sculpting, no hugs, no meals. No one. 

There will be no one. 

Nothing will be left except for a half wrapped stale bagel that cost you $2.47 and a ghost of air watching you eat it.

Pets die and humans die and insects die and plants die and your mom will die and your sister will die and you eventually will die as well. It sucks, but there’s no unicorns in this world and that’s the only thing we’re really missing when you think about it. Humans can’t read minds and it’s frustrating at times, but it’s better this way because we can read the air from this empty booth instead. It might not speak loud, but it has a voice that’s ready to be heard. All I have to do is listen.

XOXO

- - - - -

E

i'll wear out the words

Yay for Ikea.
And random taxi cabs with broken bluetooth earpieces outside the doors.
And strange broccoli stuffed animals.
And clothing racks.
And chocolate bars.
And homeless boyfriends.
And adventures exploring new places.
Well.
For him.

Anyways. I fell asleep during Super 8. I don't think I am to blame. They needed much more alien action. I mean, it took forever to get to that I felt. But, in other news, World War Z should be amazing. I didn't see any zombies in the trailer, but there were lots of bodies running. Were those zombies or humans? If they were zombies, then it's going to be the hybrid zombies like in 28 Weeks Later, right?

Anyways. Class got cancelled tonight. So, we're going to go check out a little coffee/crystal shop called High Vibes. I secretly think the "crystals" are code for crystal meth. We may or may not die.
If I don't post for a while, make sure to call my mother and remind her of my funeral song. And location.

Pear haps this will be a great find though. I don't know what I'm talking about still.

Oh, but apparently I am become more and more clumsy as time goes on. Today I managed to almost fall down the 50 bazillion cement stairs at south campus. And dismantle a cupboard shelf. Cross your fingers driving goes alright.

XOXO
- - - - -
E