Anxiety.

Freaking out over here. I found out I got into NYU which is exciting, but also really stressful. I basically have three choices:

#1. Start school in January without Jake. Graduate in May of 2017.

#2. Start school in September with Jake. Graduate in May of 2018.

#3. Wait until Monday and hear when I would graduate if I started school in May. Aka somehow make myself have patience. (This isn't an option because ANXIETY.)

Even if I did decide on one of those, there's the delimma of housing. Call me high maintenence, but I can't go from living with a husband for two years to living with roommates again. I just don't feel like it would be a good decision. All the studios in Manhattan by NYU are way out of our price range. Studios elsewhere (like Brooklyn or Jersey) scare me, because I am scared of Brooklyn and I don't want to live far away from campus in case I have to have a late night and commute back home. 

Not to mention I wasn't anticipating getting into NYU in the first place, so we have like a quarter saved of what we wanted. I was expecting to move in May, so I have our monthly savings adjusted to accomdate that. Which means even if I did need to move to New York in January in order to graduate in a decent amount of time, I wouldn't be able to afford anything. I wouldn't literally be living off of loans (which I don't know how much they will be for yet). I would also probably be eating cereal and spaghetti for every meal (although what else is new there). We wouldn't have enough money for Jake to fly out and see me a lot, so we probably would see each other like once during those 3 months. WHICH WOULD SUCK BECAUSE MY LOVE LANGUAGE IS QUALITY TIME AND I ALREADY GET SAD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.

ANXIETY ANXIETY ANXIETY. I'm super happy I got into NYU. The other program I was in was 3 years, and this new one is 16 months. I only have a week to decide what I'm going to do though, and I'm freaking out. We don't have the financial means for me to live in New York comfortabley without Jake, and I don't want to be living with weird people and hating my life. And I also don't want to live there without Jake. Like, if the graduation difference is a year, I could make that work and just take out lots loans to get my own studio. But if I would only graduate like 8 months later if I waited for Jake then I would rather do that. 

ANYWAY LIFE IS THE WORST RIGHT NOW AND I'M NOT ADULT ENOUGH TO MAKE THESE DECISIONS SO BYE FELICIA.

XOXO

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