1 0 - 2 6 - 2 0 1 3

Ok. Riddle me this, world. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SUCKS AT COLLEGE? Like, I am literally asking you. 

IF THERE IS A HUMAN BEING OUT THERE WHO HAD A 3.0+ IN HIGH SCHOOL AND THEN GOT TO COLLEGE AND SUCKED MORE THAN ANYTHING HAS EVER SUCKED, 

PLEASE COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW OR I WILL GO LAY IN THE BATHTUB AND LISTEN TO "GIRL ON FIRE" ON REPEAT FOR HOURS. LITERALLY I WILL DO THAT.

Like, I just don't know what my deal is. 

Freshman year? Yes. I definitely deserved that. I skipped classes all day errrrrrr day and definitely would take tests after like, 2.754345 hours of studying. 

BUT THIS YEAR? 

Ok. I sat down in front of my mirror before I headed off to my first day in Zoobtown as a Sophomore. I said, "Emily. You are married. Making time for you totally amazing, sexy, nice, loving, kind, best human ever boyfriend is no longer an obstacle in your academic progress. Emily. You are also a ten minute walk from campus. You can no longer use, "It just takes so long to get there" as an excuse. This year you have all of the obstacles out of the way, and you are going to kick some serious ass. And, if you don't, then you will literally get kicked out of college and you will have to tell everyone that you got kicked out of college solely because you are not a smart human. Which is probably the worst thing ever. Worse than getting kicked out for doing drugs, or murdering a teacher, or starting a activist group for gay rights. LITERALLY ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER THAN GETTING KICKED OUT FOR BEING DUMB. Emily. These are the facts and now you need to have a long, hard look at yourself and get you shit together, because the time for being stupid and lol-ing is over. Columbia, UW, and U Chig depend on this."

So, obviously I should be doing good, right? I mean, theoretically there is nothing in my way anymore. WELL. FALSE. My stats test? Oh, well that hasn't been graded yet and it's only been THREE WEEKS since I took it, so honestly who even knows how I did. My women's studies test? An 89%. Dec. My Judaism and Islam test? 65. LIKE WHY IN THE WORLD I LITERALLY SPENT HOURS STUDYING AND TOOK NOTES EVERY SINGLE DAY AND LISTENED AND ONLY MISSED ONE CLASS PERIOD. Gosh. I just don't understand. So, I'm all, "Well, that's just that one." 

FALSE EMILY'S MIND. FALSE.

I go and take my living prophets test yesterday (which by the way is the worst class I have ever had to sit through, yet I sit through it every single day because I want to not get kicked out and also I want to go to grad school) and I studied for six hours on Thursday, and then two hours on Friday. So, a total of 8 hours, plus attending class, plus taking notes should equal a good grade, right? 

WRONG.

68. 68. 68. LIKE WTF. 

Oh, are you wondering what the questions were like? Here, let me give you a little sneak peek.

What callings did President Monson receive at age 22, 32, 36, and 58? 

Choose 3 recent talks that President Monson has given, and tell me what the metaphors were, and what they symbolized, and what we can learn from them.

What are two pieces of advice President Monson gave to BYU students in his 1995 address?

Which general authority was a refugee during WWII?

Which general authority was the mission president of the Canadian Mission?

Probably all of these answers were in the reading we did for homework, but I just feel like they aren't the core principles we are learning. That's probably just because I did bad, but whatever. 

I missed 12, but there is still the short answer portion so there is still a small, small beacon of hope. What sort of teacher has 62 points of a test in short answer? Teachers who don't have husbands, children, hearts, or anything better to do with their time.... apparently....

In reality it's just my fault that I suck at school, and my teachers are all probably actually great people in real life. I just don't know what else I need to do! Like, is it just me???????? Am I the only one who tries and tries and just continually sucks no matter how hard I try? Maybe I'm like, subconsciously releasing some hormone that makes me zone out in class and then feel like I was listening the whole time? Maybe there is a team of micro-people who live on my pencil and after I fill in my answers they go in and move all the pencil shavings to a different bubble?

WHATERRRRRR.

I am going to eat chocolate for the rest of today and also watch Lost and go to my nephew's birthday party, and basically I am going to do everything today because IDGAF about school for the rest of this weekend, and probably for the rest of life, and probably for the rest of eternity as well. IDGAF about school and I should just work at Starbuck's for the rest of my life, or go to like one of those online colleges where you automatically get As, or something else easy, because my capability of being on par with the rest of the student body at BYU is just NOT HAPPENING.

Maybe it's my mini-skirts. Maybe if I dressed more like a zoob, then I could get their test scores.

I don't pray before my tests either, so maybe that's the key.

Or probably the most probable solution would just be to move to the island in Lost, because it heals sickness and it could heal my sickness of doing very poorly on exams. 

This was really long and I'm actually not sorry at all, but I'll apologize anyways.

XOXO

- - - - -

E

P.S. Definitely didn't read over this sooooo sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, or such things.