Today started with me checking my grades and realizing I got a 1.96 for winter semester. This is problematic for two reasons.
1.) THAT GPA SUCKS OMG LIKE COULD I BE A WORSE STUDENT PROBABLY NOT
2.) Fall semester, I didn’t do so hot and got below a 2.0. I was placed on academic warning. Which basically says, “Hey, if you don’t get above a 2.0 next semester, you will put on academic probation, and if you don’t get a 2.0 after probation, then you’re on suspension and have to take a year off.”
So, naturally when discovering I was .04 away from being fine, I had a full fledge panic attack and literally freaked out. I called at least four numbers and tried to plan on how to stop being an idiot. Mainly, the plan I’ve come up with is this: independent study.
I can get off academic probation if I get above a 2.0 on at least 6 credits. So, as long as I do three or four packets over the summer and get good grades, then I will be completely fine. The only problem is that I literally have no money at all to buy the packets. I don’t work that much and I still have to buy bridesmaid dresses, wedding favors, any jewelry I want to wear, and random other shiz. So, I have no idea where this much need cash is going to come from. Maybe we’ll have some leftover from the wedding. Hopefully. Otherwise I am completely screwed. Gosh. College is so much harder than high school. It’s not like you can just go to class and do your homework and take your tests. You have to take notes and listen intently in class and then do your homework and look over it to understand the concepts and then do all the reading and make sure it solidifies in your brain and then study for at least 10 hours for the test to get a decent grade.
Maybe that’s just how school is for me. But, whatever.
So, after having my freak out I decided I just needed to occupy myself with something until I get paid and can *maybe* buy my first packet. I started going through my high school box and transferring it to a more secure plastic one. I found lots of letters friends wrote to me and even a notebook me and my friend kept. It was so weird reading through that. I seriously was writing things like, “the greatest medicine is in the emptiness of everything”. Which, is sort of true, I’m actually going to blog about that tomorrow. But, everything I was writing was so angsty and empty and robotic, it made me feel so weird. In the notebook my friend kept telling me that I was helping him and being a good influence on him, but jeez it sure didn’t seem like it with my depressing writing. Get with it Young Emily.
Glad that emo stage is over.
Then I hit up some bikram yoga solo and surprised myself. I thought I’d be sitting down most of the time and having the worst time breathing. However, I only had to rest two or three times, and never left the room. I made it through the whole session and felt really good at the end. The studio gave me a free smoothing from the cafe as well!
(Side note: My itunes just started playing Lenny Kravitz’s “Lady” and Trixie got up and left. Looks like I’m not the only hater!)
Yes, I am still freaking out about sucking at school and failing at life, but bikram really helped take my mind off of all of that for an hour and a half. Pear haps it shall become a habit.
XOXO
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