10 18 2012

I have no photos for you today. I plan on exploring the cemetery tomorrow. It's only a 30 minute walk and could provide for some good photo places.

In the mean time, here is a playlist.

We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands - The Academy Is...
Right As Rain - Adele
Let's Stay Together - Al Green
Over The Pond - The Album Leaf
You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse
Catalyst - Anna Nalick
Apologies On Napkins - Archie Star
Adrenaline - Arienette
Click, Click, Click - Bishop Allen
Eyes On Fire - Blue Foundation
Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen
I Need All The Friends I Can Get - Camera Obscura
Sea Of Love - Cat Power
Chairlift - Bruises
Hello, I'm In Delaware - City and Colour

orbit altoid

It's like this. There are people who haven't been mentioned on this blog yet. Not in the last post, I mean. I think that's symbolic. I think that's a thing.

South campus is really pretty.

trust me

+Gardner Village with the fam

I think they want the old Emily. Actually, I know they want the old Emily. The Saturday-Night boy even said so. And the Childhood-Friend hasn't said so, but I think we both know the truth. Pretty-Eyes hasn't said much either, because he's not hearing the voice he wants to hear. The old Emily is in July though. And half of August. She isn't coming back, you guys. She is dead. She is rotting in the cellar of Beans and Brews among dinosaurs and cavemen. She is never coming back no matter how many potions you feed her, no matter spells you put on her, and no matter how many prayers you say for her. She is bones now and she will be forever.

The new one arrived at 9:42 on a Wednesday morning. She scrubbed the dirt off her hands and crawled to the lake. She drank the whole thing in seven gulps and slept for the rest of the season. She's here now and she's got plans tattooed all over her body. She's got teal hair and pine trees for hands. She's got words for days that no one will hear. The world is turning white with every step she takes.

Move over, Old-Emily-Fans. New things are coming and you've gotta take it or leave it. Make sure you choose right though, because this time there isn't going to be a second chance.

XOXO
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i'm good at drowning

I went to gallery stroll tonight, and things felt like they were right. Like there was nothing else I was supposed to being doing, other than what I was doing from 6-8. And I liked that. All of the angst from before was gone for a while, and I completely forgot about my geology midterm and my empty bank account and my absent friends. Like, all of it was gone and it was just me and the moments. I wasn't planning or thinking about what I was going to do next; I was just doing things. 

And that was beautiful. That feeling.

And now I am spending another Friday night alone. I used to think this was symbolic, but I'm coming to realize it's routine. I wonder what my neutral-ness toward this fact means. I guess we'll find out in thirty years when I am sitting in a room watching horror movies and petting dogs with human names.

I can't think of an appropriate way to end this, so I'm just going to finish with a quote from my favorite spoken word: Doing It Wrong by Miles Hodges and Alysia Harris.

"just let Einstein keep dreaming, all hypothesis and semen"

XOXO
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because there's no other photos left

Here's what my horoscope said today:

"You are coming to the end of a struggle, Sagittarius. In some aspect of your life, there has been a lot of upheaval and aggravation. You have probably begun to grow tired of the situation, but you have gotten used to it .Soon, though, the tension will dissipate and the problem will resolve itself. Although this is a good thing. Sagittarius, you may find yourself missing the action and adventure once things have settled down. That's why you should capitalize on your drive and energy to pour yourself into something that means a lot to you right now. Aim high."

Like... that fits perfectly. Usually they are bogus, but this one fits!

Oh, and here is the description of a Sagittarius:

"Restless energy and the need for personal independence keep a Sagittarian moving in many directions. They become experts at adapting to the culture or climate of their immediate environment. Always ready to travel for business or pleasure (and sometimes because of an overwhelming urge to escape). Sagittarians are all too willing to break free of the confinements of responsibility and work.

The bold words are words that have been used to describe me. Weird, huh? I thought it was at least. Pear haps I will start to get into this astrology business. I think I want to learn palm reading as well.

Anyways, I might be going to a football game tomorrow. This guy made me go get my pass today... no one knows why. He didn't invite me to the game with him tomorrow, he just told me to go. Hahahah people are funny. Pear haps I will attend the game after I take myself out on a date. I'm going to the gallery stroll. Expect excellent photographs.

XOXO

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grand romantic gestures don't exist and it makes me sad

two scoops? or goodbye waist?

previous to Jenn Blosil

during Jenn Blosil

there is a light that never goes out. literally.

I just want to get out of here you guys. Like, when I think about really hard, it's actually really great here. I mean, there are shows every weekend and open mic nights and the perfect cinema for movie hopping. There's the international films every night and there's decent cocoa on my walk to class. It's cooling down too, before we know it winter will be here and I will be able to bring out the Spirit Hood. Ask me if I'm excited.

It just doesn't fit, though. Neither does Seattle. Chicago does right now in my head, which is stupid because I've never been there. What is this feeling? Like, maybe it's just this weird transition stage. Everything is actually wonderful, there's just this underlying nagging feeling that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Is that normal?

I met a cool boy. He's nice and refrigerates candy bars. I think he's a fitting person to my life. Which is nice, because all of my other friends are failing miserably right now. Mean people... I just don't get them.

Anyways, I swear I will take some more interesting photos soon. I plan on exploring the area. Pear haps a hike? Or maybe a bay walk? Or a midnight picnic with myself because there is no one to have one with?

Yes to all of the above. Yay for solitude.



XOXO
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and i was happy

Today, I went to this guy's apartment. I wanted to text someone about it, so I could have a discussion about how not everyone here is supporting the stereotype I have in my head. So, I texted my friend who went on to tell me his pessimistic views on people. I wanted to text my other friend, but didn't for some reason. I realized I had no one else to text about this.

I went to my room and started reading Across The Wire. I fell asleep and missed my sculpting class. I woke up and saw my India wall. I looked at all the photos of the kids and remembered how they automatically loved us and just thought about how this world is so broken sometimes. I mean, it's not really broken, not at the core at least. But, I feel like the people I'm surrounded by sometimes are broken. Or they want to be or something. I don't understand that. If you can go through life loving everyone and believing everything is positive, wouldn't you choose that over thinking everyone and everything is terrible? I mean, sure, there are some of both, but you don't have to focus on the negative.

I don't know. I guess I am writing to you, Cyberspace. Because I know you won't talk back. And I have no one else to write to. And even if no one knows this new URL, I'm still not announcing it anywhere. People who want to find this blog, will find this blog, and that's alright with me.

Well, I'm off to finish reading. Just... try to love each other, ok? This world will never make it if we don't at least try.

XOXO

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apologies on napkins

+more photos from open mic night

You know, that night I felt like I didn't belong. Not the real slice of me, at least. Like, a slice was there and that slice was real and having fun and being authentic. But, then there was another slice that just knew there was more out there, more that I was supposed to do and discover. It was almost like this weird internal pressure from both slices. One just kept saying: "No, this is it. This is where you belong. You'll see, Emily. One day you'll wake up and everything will flow and you'll realize that this is what you were meant to do all along." But, the other one kept saying: "Leave. Just get up and leave. This is sad and this is stupid and you don't need to be here. You don't want to be here. You need to go to that other place. You don't belong here. Quit trying to force pieces that aren't meant to be."

And then I just sat there, like I always sit there. I couldn't move, because I didn't know what move to make. So, I just sat there and didn't move at all. And my life didn't move at all and neither did my progression as a person. Now I've decided I need to move. I dare me to move. Maybe Switchfoot had it right this whole time. I'm not going to get anywhere sitting here. I mean that figuratively, literally, and emotionally. 

It's time to get things going. I mean, really going. It's time to go to the gallery stroll by myself and drink a cocoa. It's time to go to ET and Frankenstein and take a trip to Chicago over Christmas break and hike somewhere and go on a walk to the bell tower at two in the morning and make a delicious meal all for myself just because I can. It's time to say no to people when they ask me for things and to realize liars are always going to be liars and crazy people are always going to be crazy people. Yes, people can change, but that doesn't mean they always do. Not in a short time, at least.

So, basically all that's happening right now is this: I am throwing pieces of myself into cyberspace because there is no one to talk to. And you know what? That's the way I want it. 

XOXO
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