Only darkness everyday

If anyone knows of any videos or websites explaining Photoshop, that would be much appreciated.

I'm off to spend my day doing nothing.

XOXO

Gandhi's house

I never really posted that many photos of India. And they are so beautiful. Not because I am skilled at taking photos with a $100 camera from Wal-Mart (ha ha ha...), but because it's INDIA! Everything in India is the best. Except for maybe the smell in Delhi. Also, the Indian man butts aren't the best, but they are better than the other side. If you know what I mean.
Oh, also. I am ordered a camera remote! So, that should be fun. And hopefully produce some cool photos. No one likes me to take photos of them. I guess that's creepy. Whatever.

Oh, also also. I take my dental assisting finals tomorrow, and then I am out of that place! Onto the internship!

Oh, also also also. I don't have any classes at the high school. That means that next week, from Wednesday onwards, I will have basically all day to do whatever I want. I feel like not that much will get accomplished. But, I will be able to wear actual clothes, instead of scrubs. Maybe I can finish some paintings. And read some books. You know what? I think I'm going to compose a post of things I am going to do when I get done with finals. 

I guess that's really it this time. I think I keep offending people a little bit. But, I'm only being honest. 


XOXO 

You don't trust me to sit on your bed.

I need to start a new book.

The Lucifer Effect has been calling to me.

So is my bed.

Goodnight.

XOXO

P.S. I hope you know I'm joking

you'll only find what you look for.

Every time I start writing this post, I delete it all.

I feel like it's either too vague and not interesting to read, or it's too anxious.

I guess I'll just say that I wish I was really good at something. I mean like really good. I don't feel like I've really found my niche. I mean, I have narrowed it down quite a bit.

Art > visual art > painting > now I'm stuck

I don't feel like I'm really good at any type of painting, but I know I like it. I can paint for 8 hours straight and feel like it's only been thirty minutes. I don't like painting real paintings. I like surrealistic pieces. I feel like I haven't ever painted anything I absolutely love. I wish I did. I wish I could produce all these pieces that I felt like described me. I wish I could make the paint form into my emotions. I wish I could connect with the canvas the way some people connect with music, or cars, or running. I can't seem to do it, though. I'm still missing techniques and supplies and inspiration. I feel like it's coming. I know I hate the stupid cheap paint from Wal-Mart. I know I love the feeling of brush strokes.

I'm excited for summer to come. That means I will have all the time in the world to really find what I'm good at. 

I used to think I'm good at people, but I don't anymore. I think they are my passion though. I just wish I was a psychologist already.


What I liked about today:
+the fact that my friend and I had the same food all day
+watching/listening to Poetry Boy
+all the rain
+the Chinese woman at the store telling me my total was "$3.16" and then continuing on to charge me $12.86
+laughing a lot

XOXO

Straight Up Coffee

Yesterday was a good day. I hung out with some friends. It was a nice day. I enjoyed walking around the cemetery and reading all the headstones. It's always interesting to me to see what quote people choose to describe their lives. That's a lot of responsibility to place on a quote. I feel like Ralph Waldo Emerson has the best quotes. 

Oh, also Criminal Minds always has good quotes at the start and ends of their episodes.

Here's some of my favorites:

That which is excellent remains forever a part of this universe.

There is no death. Only a change of worlds.

But, if something was really important, fate made sure it somehow came back to you and gave you another chance.

The past cannot be cured.

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.

Things do not change. We change.

I used to have a whole list in my phone, but then it broke and I haven't made a new one. Sometimes I think quotes are stupid, but then I find ones I like and I like them again. I feel like my psychology textbook had the best quotes of all time. I really miss that book. I tried to check one out, but the book depository woman wouldn't let me. People say that she hates her life and that's why she's so mad all the time. I don't know if I believe that or not, but if it's true, I feel really bad for her. 

Maybe I'll make her some cookies or something at the end of the school year and leave them anonymously with a thank you note. I feel like when things are anonymous they mean more, because you know the person is doing it because they really care. Not because they want the attention for doing it.

Anyways.

Five things I liked about today:

-Tati saying "What the f***!" and everyone's face afterwards

-Me: "hi I'm drinking a green smoothie" My sister: "hi I'm drinking your face"

-My friend falling while talking to my other friend, and then trying to pretend like nothing happened.

-Dining with Trixie and my friend at Beans and Brews

-Chatting with the lovely Harry Potter look-a-like

Don't succumb to the bystander effect.

XOXO

Infatuation is the perfect camoflauge.

I'm back.

Things I liked about today:
+catching up on my journal at beans and brews
+finding a place to watch the sunset every night. also, channeling my inner kate nash
+listening to the honorary title
+my friend loving her senior photos

I've decided to do that every day. Join me if you'd like. I hear that if you list five things you are grateful for every day, then your happiness will improve greatly. It's worth a try, right?

I'm really glad L. is my friend. We have the most intellectual conversations and there is absolutely no judgement in our friendship. I'm glad V. is my friend too. I feel like it's a necessary friendship that is happening for a reason. I'm glad A. is my friend. We don't really talk much anymore, but I really like him. He's the quirkiest boy I know, and I mean that in the best way. We did the coolest things BY FAR.

I'm sad I was mean to Z. I tend to think other people will just go along with me putting friendships on hold, but I guess that's not the way it works. I miss eating Arby's in church parking lots late at night. I miss talking about how annoying all his friends are and how I was a major creep to C. I miss eating mozarella sticks and drinking Diet Coke and listening to slow jams. I miss the way we laughed at the "take this pillow right here, grab this". I should probably treat my friends better. I have something in mind. And, it will be epic.

Anyways. 
If you know the boy who works at Beans and Brews, tell him I think he's attractive.


Also. Go buy a little notebook. One of those real little ones that you can fit in your pocket. Carry it with you and keep a list of all the idiosyncrasies you love about the people around you.



Oh. And please. Please, please, please, please, please.
Remember, it's just high school.

Please excuse my leave of absence while I try to live through my midlife crisis.