11.25.12

Family, I guess.
And dinner, I guess.

Nom nom nom.
There's nothing left to say here.

Life is good at this moment.
21 isn't here.
Neither is graduation.
In fact they're both far away.
But, good things are here.
Like JC.
And 800 and University.
And Starbuck's.
And my family.
And The Walking Dead.
And Writing 150 at 8 MWF.
And 7:48am.
And free drinks.
And vending machine cookies.
And Michael Kors and Tommy Hilfiger.
And new lenses.
And winter.
And coldness.
And the holidays.

And best of all: Marshmallow Santas.
Hello, world. Let's be friends this life. Ok. 

XOXO
- - - - -

11.24.12

"Em, just calm down with your life."

I can't help it if Salt Lake City is just so desirable and living with random roommates isn't. 800 and University will be good. Life is just waiting to start and these general courses are the worst. Starbuck's paychecks are making me feel more independent that I really am, and I'm really not as old as I feel. Where is 21?

XOXO
- - - - -

"only things like ice and snow come back" -the guy with the glasses

And I guess that I could quote Bright Eyes or Alysia Harris, but they are insufficient for this moment. So, I'll settle instead for starting my sentences with "and" and "maybe" and I'll say things I'll regret later, because everyone wants to be like Charlie even if he does do drugs. 

We all want to help in the end, and that's all he wanted to do. But, people don't help people and Barbara knows that. No matter how many times we watch Yentl we will still be here in my car at three in the morning. It's all ok except for there's blood in my mouth and I'm laughing. I like it though. I like the iron on my tongue and the fact that it's a part of me now. I'll just morph into Yves Klein and show you things that aren't here, because then you'll run away and that's the last thing that I want. This is really hilarious, because I'm so fried I'm not even addressing a body with this. It's pointless, but maybe it will gain meaning later. Like Nagata always says. Maybe that's how the past was too. Except I can't decided what meaning to give it. I don't know if it should be called "Mercy" or "Messed Up". Maybe, we can even slip "Niave" and "Karma" in there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think that'd be real nice.

It's only been three hours since I was last awake and I'm waking up again and there's some green on my canvas and I'm throwing it away. I know that's not the right thing to do, but there's some coffee beans stuck in the corners and a bell ringing in my eyes.

It has to happen.

XOXO

- - - - -
E

tell grandpa and dana "hello"

You’re sitting in a booth with nothing but air staring at you from across the table.

There’s no red “1” in the messages box.

It’s trivial but he meant something to you and his last moments were spent staring into the panicked eyes of a 40 something year old woman with sandy hair who didn’t even pet him the way he liked. 

It’s then when you realize that this is a theme. This is a theme for everyone’s life, so you might as well get used to it. There will be no poetry night tonight. There will be no sculpting, no hugs, no meals. No one. 

There will be no one. 

Nothing will be left except for a half wrapped stale bagel that cost you $2.47 and a ghost of air watching you eat it.

Pets die and humans die and insects die and plants die and your mom will die and your sister will die and you eventually will die as well. It sucks, but there’s no unicorns in this world and that’s the only thing we’re really missing when you think about it. Humans can’t read minds and it’s frustrating at times, but it’s better this way because we can read the air from this empty booth instead. It might not speak loud, but it has a voice that’s ready to be heard. All I have to do is listen.

XOXO

- - - - -

E

i'll wear out the words

Yay for Ikea.
And random taxi cabs with broken bluetooth earpieces outside the doors.
And strange broccoli stuffed animals.
And clothing racks.
And chocolate bars.
And homeless boyfriends.
And adventures exploring new places.
Well.
For him.

Anyways. I fell asleep during Super 8. I don't think I am to blame. They needed much more alien action. I mean, it took forever to get to that I felt. But, in other news, World War Z should be amazing. I didn't see any zombies in the trailer, but there were lots of bodies running. Were those zombies or humans? If they were zombies, then it's going to be the hybrid zombies like in 28 Weeks Later, right?

Anyways. Class got cancelled tonight. So, we're going to go check out a little coffee/crystal shop called High Vibes. I secretly think the "crystals" are code for crystal meth. We may or may not die.
If I don't post for a while, make sure to call my mother and remind her of my funeral song. And location.

Pear haps this will be a great find though. I don't know what I'm talking about still.

Oh, but apparently I am become more and more clumsy as time goes on. Today I managed to almost fall down the 50 bazillion cement stairs at south campus. And dismantle a cupboard shelf. Cross your fingers driving goes alright.

XOXO
- - - - -
E

"what's a fish eye?"

Movies Jake and I have watched:
Frankenweenie
Insidious
The Skeleton Key
Brave
Skyfall

Movies I have fallen asleep during:
Frankenweenie
Insidious
The Skeleton Key
Brave
Skyfall


I'm obviously the greatest movie partner in the world.

destiny gets nervous

It really does though.

Of life and of living. Of what might happen if everyday at 8 o'clock I'm sitting in my first class with a notepad and pencil. Of vanilla chai teas and the 40 year old customer who is stoned out of his mind everyday. Or words and photos and Facebook relationship statuses. Of what happens is friends are outgrown. Of strained relationships and empty therapy chairs. Of sadness and tears and the color blue. 

It gets nervous just like we get nervous, so why don't we all just close our eyes. Right now. Just for one second. It might not all turn out the way it's supposed to. We might miss the most important opportunities in our lives and we might mess up 17 times. But, that's alright. Because the most important things come back to us. They never give up on us. The world will guide us where we are supposed ot go. We might not get there in our own time frame, but we will get there eventually. That's all that matters.

XOXO

- - - - -

E

falsetto never fails

Definitely took these in a Blockbuster parking lot.
Judge me.

Friday night, I went in to get Pyscho and left with a membership card, "unlimited rentals for just $7.49 a month", and Devil. No one knows how that happened. I had to go in and cancel everything today. I just felt bad for the cashier! The boys in front of me were being dbs and taking years to pay for their movie. Plus, the manager was all up in my business too. "Plus, I could have sworn I heard you say you heard it on the radio... which means your first month is free!!!!" Like, GTFO manager guy, no one wants your subscription. That's what Netflix is for. Plus, you don't even have Psycho, so...

For reals though. I'm having small panic attacks. Picture this: It's a Friday night. You and your POC (person of choice) are searching for an activity. You see a clown and decide you want to watch IT. Not just because it's scary and Halloween time, but also because Stephen King is a genius and you may or may not have a slight obsession with anything/everything he does, including his perfect house in Maine and his eye glasses. Ok. Moving on. You check Netflix streaming. It isn't there. You go to the nearest Redbox. It isn't there either. You check Cinemark. It isn't there. You lose all friends for checking a movie theatre. Obviously. You go to Blockbuster, the one in Af, because the one in Orem closed, because their rent was $35,000. Blockbuster doesn't have it either.
WHAT ARE YOUR CHOICES?!
You don't have any!!!! There are no other video stores in the area. You are forced to purchase it.

$20.00 later you are sitting in your basement watching It with your POC. Not eating popcorn, because you have no money left for concessions.

I'm scared for this world, folks. I really am.

XOXO
- - - - -

weekly pajamas

I liked you when the world decided to be ironic. I still don't understand what that word means and maybe that's symbolic of my immaturity, but we seem to mesh well together so it doesn't really matter now, does it?

I really liked you when I accidentally took a video at that concert and when you were holding that sippy cup we found at our place. Your hands looked really beautiful and you didn't hear a word in your class; which made me like you even more.

I loved you at 4:17 on a Saturday morning when your eyes hid in different places. You told me stories about things you just don't do and when it was only me. Infomercials bore witness to our Friday Night confessions. 

You're allowed to call me "Em" and even though you forgot my funeral song, you can still listen to You Are The Ocean. They all mean something to me, but so do you and meaningful things belong in the same box in my head.

XOXO
- - - - -

I want to be a duck so bad right now